Fact: 89% of pandas are sociopaths.
The more you know.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Friday, July 5, 2013
UFC 162 Preview
Facebook Card
170
Mike Pierce (32)
3 straight wins, 8-3 in UFC
David Mitchell (33)
1-2 in UFC
My pick: Mike Pierce. TKO.
170
Seth Baczynski (31)
4-2 in UFC, had 4 fight win streak snapped by Pierce
Brian Melancon (31)
6-2, UFC debut
My pick: Seth Baczynski. Submission (choke).
FX Prelim Fights
155
Edson Barbosa (27)
5-1 in UFC
Rafaello Oliveira (31)
2-4 in UFC
My pick: Edson Barbosa. TKO.
265
Gabriel Gonzega (34)
9-6 in UFC
Dave Herman (28)
1-3 in UFC, lost 3 straight and failed drug test.
My pick: Gabriel Gonzega. Decision.
155
Norman Parke (26)
TUF winner, 1-0 in UFC
Kazuki Tokudome (26)
1-0 in UFC
My pick: Norman Parke. Decision.
185
Chris Leben (32)
12-8 in UFC, 2 straight losses and a recent positive drug test
Andrew Craig (27)
2-1 in UFC
My pick: Andrew Craig. TKO.
PPV Main Card
145
Cub Swanson (29) #5 FW
4-1 in UFC, 4 straight wins
Dennis Siver (34) #6 FW
10-5 in UFC, 2-0 since drop to featherweight.
My pick: Cub Swanson. TKO.
185
Mark Munoz (35) #8 MW
7-3 in UFC, had 4 fight win streak broken by Weidman.
Tim Boetsch (32) #10 MW
7-4 in UFC, had 4 fight win streak broken by Philippou. 4-1 since drop to middleweight.
Similar Opponent: Yushin Okami (beat Munoz, lost to Boetsch
My pick: Tim Boetsch. TKO.
185
Tim Kennedy (33)
UFC debut
Roger Gracie (31)
UFC debut, 10 time winner of BJJ world championship
Both were top contenders for Strikeforce MW Title.
My pick: Roger Gracie. Submission (triangle).
145
Frankie Edgar (31) #10 P4P
11-4-1 in UFC, 3 straight losses (all title fights)
Charles Oliveira (23)
4-3-1 in UFC
My pick: Charles Oliveira. Submission (choke).
185 - Title Fight
Anderson Silva (38) #1 P4P
16-0 in UFC, 10-0 in title defenses.
Chris Weidman (29)
5-0 in UFC, 9-0 overall
Both have wins over Maia.
My pick: Anderson Silva. KO.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Counting Down My Top 15 Baseball Movies
There are few things I love in this world. One of them is baseball. Another is movies. Put them together and I can't get enough. I have seem so many shitty movies in my life because baseball was involved is it.
Fuck, I watched Trouble With The Curve. What an abortion against film.
I've seen Calvin Marshall. No one has seen that piece of shit.
Anyway, onto my personal favourite top 15 list.
Aside: I really wanted to include Beer League, as it is fucking hilarious, but felt it didn't fit the strict criteria of being a baseball movie, because softball isn't baseball.
Also, I don't count women's baseball as real baseball either, but that movie was terrible, so it had no merit for inclusion.
#15: The Natural
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I never even really liked this movie. It was slow, a little boring, and had a predicable ending. This movie gets such a blow job from critics and fans a like, which makes me dislike it even more. The only reason for it's inclusion on my list is so assholes don't think I forgot about it. I didn't forget. I saw it. It was not great. Grow up and like movies because they are good, not because you are supposed to like them.
#14: Mr. 3000
This movie is wicked. I used to create "T-Rex Pennebaker" in video games out of my love for this movie. It was Bernie Mac in maybe the only watchable thing he's done besides his funeral. This movie would be higher, but it was more popcorn comedy than straight up baseball movie. Image how awesome this movie would've been with Denzel as the lead.
#13: The Sandlot
This is another movie that tends to be romanticized. Sure, it's pretty good. It's not great though. It has many good parts, but for the most part it just suffers from not being funny in a comedy. It also spawned sequels which were terrible. I'd rather get AIDS than have to watch another Sandlot sequel.
#12: Field Of Dreams
You know what? I don't care for this movie that much either. I don't even remember the last time I watched this movie. Kevin Costner was brilliant though, and the scene where he plays catch with his dad makes me happy. It is a good movie, and one that has been held in high regard by most, but I was never able to embrace the movie. Maybe another viewing will change that.
#11: Bad News Bears
That's right. The Billy Bob Thornton one. I'll pause while haters hate. Done? Good. The original, while good, suffers from age. Sure, the Coach is supposed to be a prick, but when Matthiau says "nigger" I cringe. I saw that movie before I was 10. No wonder I'm a racist. At least Billy Bob keeps the racism to a minimum, while dominating the screen with his trashy, beer drinking character that he plays so well (most likely because his parents are close relatives and he lived the character).
#10: Touching Home
Starting off the top 10 with an obscure true story, which is a drama wrapped in baseball. Ed Harris plays a drunk father of twin boys trying to deal with the fact they may never make it in pro baseball. It is an excellent movie with a mostly unknown cast. Evan Jones (from 8 Mile & Mr. 3000) is excellent as usual in his minor part.
#9: The Final Season
The Final Season is a true story about a high school in Iowa with a power house baseball program, whose school is merging with a local town. Thus, they get to play, you guessed it, one final season. Sean Astin is perfect in the role of Kent Stock, an in over his head coach. The kids in the movie are what makes it. Michael Angarano (Black Irish & Red State) is his usual excellent self. Brett Claywell (Tim from One Tree Hill) is wonderful. Despite mostly negative reception, this in one I'd recommend.
#8: Little Big League
This was my dream. It still kind of is. When Randy Johnson awkwardly walks out of the bullpen to face Lou Collins, I get chills. When Ken Griffey awesomely announces he will steal 2nd, 3rd, then home I get weepy. When Billy Heywood takes the fearsome hairy closer out of the game, I feel like I'm right there. Fuck it, I'm gonna watch this movie right now.
#7: Eight Men Out
The fantastic movie about the 1919 Black Sox scandal starred John Cusack (Runaway Jury), Charlie Sheen (Men At Work), David Strathairn (Steel Toes), and many others. The baseball was well done, the court room stuff was great, and the stuff in between keeps you guessing even though you know the end result.
#6: The Rookie
Anybody who knows me knows I used to work where videos were rented and dreams were crushed. I used to play this movie on a loop if I could convince my co-workers to allow it. I love this movie. I always envisioned myself as a 40 year old man taking a vacation form work to try out for the Blue Jays. I would show up, get laughed at, then start chucking 95mph heat out of my left arm. Fuck, that would be amazing. There is so much to like about this movie that is makes you look past some historical inaccuracies, most notably the Alex Rodriguez issue. Dennis Quaid was straight up gangster as Jim Morris and the kids that play on his high school team are excellent. Jay Hernandez (Hostel), Rick Gonzalez (Coach Carter, Old School), Chad Lindberg (Adam and Eve), and Angelo Spizzirri are excellent.
#5: Major League
This is where it gets difficult. The top 5. Leading it off is Major League. There were 3 of these amazing movies and I love all 3. My affection for Gus Cantrell, the manager of the Buzz in "Back To The Minors," is well documented. I pick the original to highlight because it has iconic lines. From Rick Vaughn saying he looks like a banker while rocking a cut off leather vest with his tie to Jake Taylor telling Roger Dorn that he's going cut his nuts off and stuff them down his fucking throat, there are amazingly quotable lines. All 3 movies have something special. The amazing switch to Omar Epps (my favourite black actor) from Wesley Snipes (Joe Rogan would totally kick his ass) in Major League 2 is what dreams are made of. The Juan Lopez twins and Hog Ellis in part 3. Rube Baker, Pedro Cerrano, Taka Tanaka. Jack Parkman's shimmy. I could go on for hours.
#4: Moneyball
This movie was very good. The book, while this sounds pretentious, was even better. The movie had some things it neglected to mention. The killer 3 of Barry Zito, Tim Hudson, and Mark Mulder got so little time on screen that you would assume they were mediocre pitchers, when Zito was the Cy Young winner that season. Miguel Tejada got very little mention, even though he was MVP that season. The movie had lies. Carlos Pena was not traded for nothing, he brought back Ted Lilly in a trade that also included Jeff Weaver. Chad Bradford and Jeremy Giambi were already members of the team before that season, not picked up off the scrap heap as implied. Still, a great movie with terrific performances. Chris Pratt (the amazingly versatile) shined as Scott Hatteberg. Brad Pitt was excellent as Billy Beane. Jonah Hill was charming as his fat self playing Peter Brand (Paul DePodesto in the real world). The inaccuracies do not detract from the movie. It is well told and leaves you waiting for what's next.
#3: 61*
The big dicked Thomas Jane stars as Mickey Mantle and Barry Pepper stars as Roger Maris in this fantastic HBO movie about Rogers Maris' chase for the home run record in 1961. It chronicles the Yankee culture of being a "true Yankee" and follows Roger Maris as he deals with life away the Midwest and directly in the spotlight. The movie showcases Mantle's historic levels of alcoholism and his super human ability to play through pain. This movie is the perfect kind baseball movie, taking an historic season and adding in humanity. It doesn't hurt that they have two fantastic actors playing the leads. Watch this movie if you haven't.
#2: Bull Durham
Oh, Bull Durham. The story of Nuke LaLoosh and Crash Davis pushing through the Durham Bulls in opposite directions in their careers. Nuke is the young fireballer who the organization has big plans for. Crash is the veteran minor leaguer who is brought in to mentor the young pitcher. Throw in some fuck scenes with Susan Surandon (with both dudes, but not together) and you get an interesting mix of awesome. What makes this number 2 is the Crash Davis character. Kevin Costner knows how to play a baseball player. Crash is witty, crude, sweet, and downright charming thanks to Costner. The bar fight scene is brilliant, probably the best scene in the movie. This movie also let's you inside the game a little, with the back and forth between Nuke and Crash (the scene where Crash tells the batter what's coming is very funny).
#1: For Love Of The Game
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And finally, number one with a bullet. Or should I say number one with a Billy Chapel fastball painting the outside corner. This movie is perfect, no pun intended. Vin Scully doing the broadcasting. The moments where Chapel has to power through pain, both emotionally and physically. The whole thing is very well done. The premise is simple. A veteran Major League pitcher (a very good one) is pitching his last game and he has a perfect game going. Throughout the movie, there are flashbacks that lead you through his life on the field and off. The moments where he dissects how he is going to attack the hitters is interesting and well crafted. His relationship with his friend and catch Gun Sinski (a serious John C. Reilly) is adorable. An all around wonderful movie that makes me love baseball every time I watch it. It's how I used to picture Roy Halladay's career ending.
Fuck, I watched Trouble With The Curve. What an abortion against film.
I've seen Calvin Marshall. No one has seen that piece of shit.
Anyway, onto my personal favourite top 15 list.
Aside: I really wanted to include Beer League, as it is fucking hilarious, but felt it didn't fit the strict criteria of being a baseball movie, because softball isn't baseball.
Also, I don't count women's baseball as real baseball either, but that movie was terrible, so it had no merit for inclusion.
#15: The Natural
I never even really liked this movie. It was slow, a little boring, and had a predicable ending. This movie gets such a blow job from critics and fans a like, which makes me dislike it even more. The only reason for it's inclusion on my list is so assholes don't think I forgot about it. I didn't forget. I saw it. It was not great. Grow up and like movies because they are good, not because you are supposed to like them.
#14: Mr. 3000
This movie is wicked. I used to create "T-Rex Pennebaker" in video games out of my love for this movie. It was Bernie Mac in maybe the only watchable thing he's done besides his funeral. This movie would be higher, but it was more popcorn comedy than straight up baseball movie. Image how awesome this movie would've been with Denzel as the lead.
#13: The Sandlot
This is another movie that tends to be romanticized. Sure, it's pretty good. It's not great though. It has many good parts, but for the most part it just suffers from not being funny in a comedy. It also spawned sequels which were terrible. I'd rather get AIDS than have to watch another Sandlot sequel.
#12: Field Of Dreams
You know what? I don't care for this movie that much either. I don't even remember the last time I watched this movie. Kevin Costner was brilliant though, and the scene where he plays catch with his dad makes me happy. It is a good movie, and one that has been held in high regard by most, but I was never able to embrace the movie. Maybe another viewing will change that.
#11: Bad News Bears
That's right. The Billy Bob Thornton one. I'll pause while haters hate. Done? Good. The original, while good, suffers from age. Sure, the Coach is supposed to be a prick, but when Matthiau says "nigger" I cringe. I saw that movie before I was 10. No wonder I'm a racist. At least Billy Bob keeps the racism to a minimum, while dominating the screen with his trashy, beer drinking character that he plays so well (most likely because his parents are close relatives and he lived the character).
#10: Touching Home
Starting off the top 10 with an obscure true story, which is a drama wrapped in baseball. Ed Harris plays a drunk father of twin boys trying to deal with the fact they may never make it in pro baseball. It is an excellent movie with a mostly unknown cast. Evan Jones (from 8 Mile & Mr. 3000) is excellent as usual in his minor part.
#9: The Final Season
The Final Season is a true story about a high school in Iowa with a power house baseball program, whose school is merging with a local town. Thus, they get to play, you guessed it, one final season. Sean Astin is perfect in the role of Kent Stock, an in over his head coach. The kids in the movie are what makes it. Michael Angarano (Black Irish & Red State) is his usual excellent self. Brett Claywell (Tim from One Tree Hill) is wonderful. Despite mostly negative reception, this in one I'd recommend.
#8: Little Big League
This was my dream. It still kind of is. When Randy Johnson awkwardly walks out of the bullpen to face Lou Collins, I get chills. When Ken Griffey awesomely announces he will steal 2nd, 3rd, then home I get weepy. When Billy Heywood takes the fearsome hairy closer out of the game, I feel like I'm right there. Fuck it, I'm gonna watch this movie right now.
#7: Eight Men Out
The fantastic movie about the 1919 Black Sox scandal starred John Cusack (Runaway Jury), Charlie Sheen (Men At Work), David Strathairn (Steel Toes), and many others. The baseball was well done, the court room stuff was great, and the stuff in between keeps you guessing even though you know the end result.
#6: The Rookie
Anybody who knows me knows I used to work where videos were rented and dreams were crushed. I used to play this movie on a loop if I could convince my co-workers to allow it. I love this movie. I always envisioned myself as a 40 year old man taking a vacation form work to try out for the Blue Jays. I would show up, get laughed at, then start chucking 95mph heat out of my left arm. Fuck, that would be amazing. There is so much to like about this movie that is makes you look past some historical inaccuracies, most notably the Alex Rodriguez issue. Dennis Quaid was straight up gangster as Jim Morris and the kids that play on his high school team are excellent. Jay Hernandez (Hostel), Rick Gonzalez (Coach Carter, Old School), Chad Lindberg (Adam and Eve), and Angelo Spizzirri are excellent.
#5: Major League
This is where it gets difficult. The top 5. Leading it off is Major League. There were 3 of these amazing movies and I love all 3. My affection for Gus Cantrell, the manager of the Buzz in "Back To The Minors," is well documented. I pick the original to highlight because it has iconic lines. From Rick Vaughn saying he looks like a banker while rocking a cut off leather vest with his tie to Jake Taylor telling Roger Dorn that he's going cut his nuts off and stuff them down his fucking throat, there are amazingly quotable lines. All 3 movies have something special. The amazing switch to Omar Epps (my favourite black actor) from Wesley Snipes (Joe Rogan would totally kick his ass) in Major League 2 is what dreams are made of. The Juan Lopez twins and Hog Ellis in part 3. Rube Baker, Pedro Cerrano, Taka Tanaka. Jack Parkman's shimmy. I could go on for hours.
#4: Moneyball
This movie was very good. The book, while this sounds pretentious, was even better. The movie had some things it neglected to mention. The killer 3 of Barry Zito, Tim Hudson, and Mark Mulder got so little time on screen that you would assume they were mediocre pitchers, when Zito was the Cy Young winner that season. Miguel Tejada got very little mention, even though he was MVP that season. The movie had lies. Carlos Pena was not traded for nothing, he brought back Ted Lilly in a trade that also included Jeff Weaver. Chad Bradford and Jeremy Giambi were already members of the team before that season, not picked up off the scrap heap as implied. Still, a great movie with terrific performances. Chris Pratt (the amazingly versatile) shined as Scott Hatteberg. Brad Pitt was excellent as Billy Beane. Jonah Hill was charming as his fat self playing Peter Brand (Paul DePodesto in the real world). The inaccuracies do not detract from the movie. It is well told and leaves you waiting for what's next.
#3: 61*
The big dicked Thomas Jane stars as Mickey Mantle and Barry Pepper stars as Roger Maris in this fantastic HBO movie about Rogers Maris' chase for the home run record in 1961. It chronicles the Yankee culture of being a "true Yankee" and follows Roger Maris as he deals with life away the Midwest and directly in the spotlight. The movie showcases Mantle's historic levels of alcoholism and his super human ability to play through pain. This movie is the perfect kind baseball movie, taking an historic season and adding in humanity. It doesn't hurt that they have two fantastic actors playing the leads. Watch this movie if you haven't.
#2: Bull Durham
Oh, Bull Durham. The story of Nuke LaLoosh and Crash Davis pushing through the Durham Bulls in opposite directions in their careers. Nuke is the young fireballer who the organization has big plans for. Crash is the veteran minor leaguer who is brought in to mentor the young pitcher. Throw in some fuck scenes with Susan Surandon (with both dudes, but not together) and you get an interesting mix of awesome. What makes this number 2 is the Crash Davis character. Kevin Costner knows how to play a baseball player. Crash is witty, crude, sweet, and downright charming thanks to Costner. The bar fight scene is brilliant, probably the best scene in the movie. This movie also let's you inside the game a little, with the back and forth between Nuke and Crash (the scene where Crash tells the batter what's coming is very funny).
#1: For Love Of The Game
And finally, number one with a bullet. Or should I say number one with a Billy Chapel fastball painting the outside corner. This movie is perfect, no pun intended. Vin Scully doing the broadcasting. The moments where Chapel has to power through pain, both emotionally and physically. The whole thing is very well done. The premise is simple. A veteran Major League pitcher (a very good one) is pitching his last game and he has a perfect game going. Throughout the movie, there are flashbacks that lead you through his life on the field and off. The moments where he dissects how he is going to attack the hitters is interesting and well crafted. His relationship with his friend and catch Gun Sinski (a serious John C. Reilly) is adorable. An all around wonderful movie that makes me love baseball every time I watch it. It's how I used to picture Roy Halladay's career ending.
Since I'm back
Since the trade with the Marlins, I forgot something.
I wrote a little blog post a few years about Mark Buehrle.
It's title? It wasn't nice.
I've gotten over my hatred and am happy to have him on the team and pitching the Jays to 90 minute dominations on route to winning the World Series!!!!
I wrote a little blog post a few years about Mark Buehrle.
It's title? It wasn't nice.
I've gotten over my hatred and am happy to have him on the team and pitching the Jays to 90 minute dominations on route to winning the World Series!!!!
2013 Jays Preview: Part 2
Hey. I didn't notice you come in.
Since you're here, you might as well stay.
It's time to examine the pitchers that will make up the 2013 Toronto Blue Jays.
THE FOR-SURE MINOR LEAGUERS
Claudio Vargas
The "Magic Man" will make up a rotation in Buffalo with other has-beens.
Ramon Ortiz
This is the other has-been I mentioned. Has pitched for seemingly every organization in baseball. Looks AIDSy.
Justin Germano
A global pile of mediocrity, having played in Korea, Japan, and all over the minors in America. Germano saw time in 12 starts (pretty bad starts) for the Cubs in 2012.
David Bush
Bush returns to North America after a year in Korea and returns to where he was drafted. Hopefully he will finally get the chance to throw that elusive no-hitter that he has missed on 3 occasions.
Kyle Drabek
The son of Cy Young winner Doug will miss some of 2013 recovering from Tommy John. When he returns, it would suit the team and himself best if he pitched in Buffalo. Hopefully, his control will be helped by his repair and he can help make the Roy Halladay trade a positive for Jays fans. Hopefully finds a razor because I am attracted to that scruff.
Drew Hutchison
Another recoveree of Tommy John surgery, Drew should take the same path as Drabek. Hutch was pretty impressive as a 21 year old in 2012 and good things are expected of him upon his return.
Chad Jenkins
The former 1st round pick has slowly made his way through the minors until the Jays called him up in 2012. He was impressive in relief and had some good moments starting as well. He should head to Buffalo and lead their rotation, waiting for his opportunity to show that he was worth a 1st round pick.
Sean Nolin
Nolin is a rising prospect who should be in AA New Hampshire for 2013. Look for him in 2014/15 to make an impact.
Josh Stinson and Sam Dyson (if he clears waivers)
Relief prospects, these two could contribute in either New Hampshire or Buffalo in 2013.
Neil Wagner
Non-descript right hander.
Rich Thompson
An Australian who will pitch in the WBC. Has pretty impressive Major League stats in limited time.
Juan Perez
This lefty should be in Buffalo if needed.
Tom Hottovy
Hottovy was one of the few arms the Jays were able to sneak through waivers. He waits in Buffalo.
Alex Hinshaw
Non-Descript left hander.
Chad Beck
Another waiver sneak, only on the second try (lost to Pittsburgh, then re-claimed).
Luis Perez
Perez is recovering from Tommy John and should take this year to recover in the minors before taking over for Black Magic in 2014.
Evan Crawford
Crawford is a young lefty who should be a dominant AA left hander.
STARTERS
Ricky Romero
Has an MMA record of 11-3 (1-2 in the UFC). Obviously not the real Ricky Romero, but I wanted to write something positive. Ricky was drafted 6th overall in 2005 (1st pitcher taken) notably ahead of Troy Tulowitski. Romero cracked the rotation out of spring in 2009 and was a good starter through 2011. 2012 is another story. What a disaster. Hopefully he rebounds and completes one of the best rotations in the game.
Brandon Morrow
Traded from the Mariners for Rufio after the Halladay trade, Morrow was a beast when healthy in 2012. Morrow is a type 1 diabetic and wears an insulin pump. Hopefully he's great again, and helps anchor the rotation.
Dustin McGowan
Dusty Lampchops may be on his last legs. He somehow got a contract extension last year, let's call it the "Chris Carpenter: just in case" contract. He needs to step onto the mound this season or retire. The organization has been kind to him with this contract. He needs to be kind and not waste a roster spot.
Brad Lincoln
Lincoln will attempt to start again after not being great with the Pirates. It's worth a shot, as the bullpen is loaded. He will start in AAA Buffalo and either remain there until needed or pitch out of the bullpen for the Jays. Was acquired for meat lover Travis Snider in the saddest trade in 2012.
Josh Johnson
JJ was brought over from the Marlins in their firesale and hopefully will help anchor the rotation. Coming to us at 6'7'' and 250 lbs, JJ is a beast of a man. He has had his share of arm troubles and should have some advice for the gang from last year.
J.A. Happ
The Happster may be starting at Buffalo waiting for his chance with either an injury or continuing Romero awfulness.
R.A. Dickey
The knuckleballer was brought over for the Jays top two prospects from the Mets. After a decade making his way through the minors and having limited success in the Majors, Dickey learnt a knuckleball and the rest is history. The 2012 Cy Young winner should help this team reach the playoffs for the first time since 1993. Is a true humanitarian, helping impoverished countries with food and water supplies. Has also climbed Mt Kilimanjaro. Check out this dude's story, it's incredible.
Mark Buehrle
The last man from The Trade with the Marlins. A 4-time all-star and Gold Glove winner well deserved), Mark comes to Toronto to bring durability and consistansy. Has an impressive pick-off move to 1B and works incredibly fast (I fondly recall Halladay vs Buehrle on multiple occasions). Amazingly wished injury on Michael Vick in the 2010 season. Another pretty special dude, he has always been an active member of the community.
RELIEVERS
Sergio Santos
Former Jays SS prospect traded for Troy Glaus who became a pitcher in the White Sox system and quickly rose to the Majors and established himself as a late inning weapon. Was injured for most of 2012 and should make it back in 2013 to provide late inning relief.
Esmil Rogers
Acquired from Cleveland just so the Jays could have Rogers on the back of their uniform too. A hard-throwing righty, Esmil seemed to have found his ideal role in the bullpen after being traded from the Rockies in 2011.
Darren Oliver
Black Magic returns for another go around and one last shot at the elusive World Series ring. His agent is Jeff Frye, the last Jay to hit for the cycle.
Aaron Loup
Poopy Loupy was successful in his first stint in the Majors in 2012. He may crack the roster, but is most likely headed for AAA Buffalo.
Jeremy Jeffress
This pothead joins the Jays as a former top prospect for the Brewers who was traded for Zack Greinke. He has sat out 150 games for a "drug of choice" and will be kicked out of baseball with one more failed test. Guess what colour his skin is? He is out of options, so he must make the team or walk the plank. That is a fitting line, since he will probably end up playing for the Pirates.
Casey Janssen
Dirty Janssen came up huge for the Jays in 2012, adding to his impressive resume in relief since his call-up. He should once again be the closer, this time for a winner.
Steve Delabar
Came over to the Jays in an under the radar trade for Eric Thames last deadline, Delabar seemed to strike out everyone. Retired from baseball in 2010 and became a substitute teacher. He made his return to baseball in 2011 and should be a big asset late in games for the Jays.
Brett Cecil
A lefty who does everything else right handed (wait, everything? Thanks for that). Was a high draft pick (2007) and good prospect before debuting in 2009. Has been a pretty decent starter for the Jays until 2011, and could finally find his calling as his a reliever (his role in college, where he was a great closer).
This brings this train wreck to a conclusion. I am looking forward to the season. Go Jays Go!
It's time to examine the pitchers that will make up the 2013 Toronto Blue Jays.
THE FOR-SURE MINOR LEAGUERS
Claudio Vargas
The "Magic Man" will make up a rotation in Buffalo with other has-beens.
Ramon Ortiz
This is the other has-been I mentioned. Has pitched for seemingly every organization in baseball. Looks AIDSy.
Justin Germano
A global pile of mediocrity, having played in Korea, Japan, and all over the minors in America. Germano saw time in 12 starts (pretty bad starts) for the Cubs in 2012.
David Bush
Bush returns to North America after a year in Korea and returns to where he was drafted. Hopefully he will finally get the chance to throw that elusive no-hitter that he has missed on 3 occasions.
Kyle Drabek
The son of Cy Young winner Doug will miss some of 2013 recovering from Tommy John. When he returns, it would suit the team and himself best if he pitched in Buffalo. Hopefully, his control will be helped by his repair and he can help make the Roy Halladay trade a positive for Jays fans. Hopefully finds a razor because I am attracted to that scruff.
Drew Hutchison
Another recoveree of Tommy John surgery, Drew should take the same path as Drabek. Hutch was pretty impressive as a 21 year old in 2012 and good things are expected of him upon his return.
Chad Jenkins
The former 1st round pick has slowly made his way through the minors until the Jays called him up in 2012. He was impressive in relief and had some good moments starting as well. He should head to Buffalo and lead their rotation, waiting for his opportunity to show that he was worth a 1st round pick.
Sean Nolin
Nolin is a rising prospect who should be in AA New Hampshire for 2013. Look for him in 2014/15 to make an impact.
Josh Stinson and Sam Dyson (if he clears waivers)
Relief prospects, these two could contribute in either New Hampshire or Buffalo in 2013.
Neil Wagner
Non-descript right hander.
Rich Thompson
An Australian who will pitch in the WBC. Has pretty impressive Major League stats in limited time.
Juan Perez
This lefty should be in Buffalo if needed.
Tom Hottovy
Hottovy was one of the few arms the Jays were able to sneak through waivers. He waits in Buffalo.
Alex Hinshaw
Non-Descript left hander.
Chad Beck
Another waiver sneak, only on the second try (lost to Pittsburgh, then re-claimed).
Luis Perez
Perez is recovering from Tommy John and should take this year to recover in the minors before taking over for Black Magic in 2014.
Evan Crawford
Crawford is a young lefty who should be a dominant AA left hander.
STARTERS
Ricky Romero
Has an MMA record of 11-3 (1-2 in the UFC). Obviously not the real Ricky Romero, but I wanted to write something positive. Ricky was drafted 6th overall in 2005 (1st pitcher taken) notably ahead of Troy Tulowitski. Romero cracked the rotation out of spring in 2009 and was a good starter through 2011. 2012 is another story. What a disaster. Hopefully he rebounds and completes one of the best rotations in the game.
Brandon Morrow
Traded from the Mariners for Rufio after the Halladay trade, Morrow was a beast when healthy in 2012. Morrow is a type 1 diabetic and wears an insulin pump. Hopefully he's great again, and helps anchor the rotation.
Dustin McGowan
Dusty Lampchops may be on his last legs. He somehow got a contract extension last year, let's call it the "Chris Carpenter: just in case" contract. He needs to step onto the mound this season or retire. The organization has been kind to him with this contract. He needs to be kind and not waste a roster spot.
Brad Lincoln
Lincoln will attempt to start again after not being great with the Pirates. It's worth a shot, as the bullpen is loaded. He will start in AAA Buffalo and either remain there until needed or pitch out of the bullpen for the Jays. Was acquired for meat lover Travis Snider in the saddest trade in 2012.
Josh Johnson
JJ was brought over from the Marlins in their firesale and hopefully will help anchor the rotation. Coming to us at 6'7'' and 250 lbs, JJ is a beast of a man. He has had his share of arm troubles and should have some advice for the gang from last year.
J.A. Happ
The Happster may be starting at Buffalo waiting for his chance with either an injury or continuing Romero awfulness.
R.A. Dickey
The knuckleballer was brought over for the Jays top two prospects from the Mets. After a decade making his way through the minors and having limited success in the Majors, Dickey learnt a knuckleball and the rest is history. The 2012 Cy Young winner should help this team reach the playoffs for the first time since 1993. Is a true humanitarian, helping impoverished countries with food and water supplies. Has also climbed Mt Kilimanjaro. Check out this dude's story, it's incredible.
Mark Buehrle
The last man from The Trade with the Marlins. A 4-time all-star and Gold Glove winner well deserved), Mark comes to Toronto to bring durability and consistansy. Has an impressive pick-off move to 1B and works incredibly fast (I fondly recall Halladay vs Buehrle on multiple occasions). Amazingly wished injury on Michael Vick in the 2010 season. Another pretty special dude, he has always been an active member of the community.
RELIEVERS
Sergio Santos
Former Jays SS prospect traded for Troy Glaus who became a pitcher in the White Sox system and quickly rose to the Majors and established himself as a late inning weapon. Was injured for most of 2012 and should make it back in 2013 to provide late inning relief.
Esmil Rogers
Acquired from Cleveland just so the Jays could have Rogers on the back of their uniform too. A hard-throwing righty, Esmil seemed to have found his ideal role in the bullpen after being traded from the Rockies in 2011.
Darren Oliver
Black Magic returns for another go around and one last shot at the elusive World Series ring. His agent is Jeff Frye, the last Jay to hit for the cycle.
Aaron Loup
Poopy Loupy was successful in his first stint in the Majors in 2012. He may crack the roster, but is most likely headed for AAA Buffalo.
Jeremy Jeffress
This pothead joins the Jays as a former top prospect for the Brewers who was traded for Zack Greinke. He has sat out 150 games for a "drug of choice" and will be kicked out of baseball with one more failed test. Guess what colour his skin is? He is out of options, so he must make the team or walk the plank. That is a fitting line, since he will probably end up playing for the Pirates.
Casey Janssen
Dirty Janssen came up huge for the Jays in 2012, adding to his impressive resume in relief since his call-up. He should once again be the closer, this time for a winner.
Steve Delabar
Came over to the Jays in an under the radar trade for Eric Thames last deadline, Delabar seemed to strike out everyone. Retired from baseball in 2010 and became a substitute teacher. He made his return to baseball in 2011 and should be a big asset late in games for the Jays.
Brett Cecil
A lefty who does everything else right handed (wait, everything? Thanks for that). Was a high draft pick (2007) and good prospect before debuting in 2009. Has been a pretty decent starter for the Jays until 2011, and could finally find his calling as his a reliever (his role in college, where he was a great closer).
This brings this train wreck to a conclusion. I am looking forward to the season. Go Jays Go!
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