The Vernon Wells Dilema

So, you want to rid yourself of a massively ridiculous contract that makes no sense in it's current viewing? Well, step on up and take a look at some players with equally ridiculous contracts that could be swapped to give the ever elusive "change of scenery" that so many athletes need.

Starting close to home, the AL East.

The Rays only have James Shields, Scott Kazmir, and Evan Longoria locked up past 2011 for multi-millions. The Rays have no intention of dumping these contracts any time soon.

The Orioles have Brian Roberts and Nick Markakis locked up. Again, no likely interest in dumping these guys.

The Yankees have a bunch of guys locked into huge contracts for a long time. They allready seem to regret locking up A-Rod, but his contract is so massive that the Yankees are the only teem that could deal with it. What is they are just sick of him as a person? What if they just want a different body? Would they be willing to pay the difference in salary between A-Rod & Wells? Highly unlikely. Among Cano, Teixeira, Sabathia, and Burnett I do not see the need to dump the player for another bad contract.

The Red Sox seem to know what they are doing when it comes to locking up players. Only core players Youkilis, Pedroia, and Lester are locked up past 2012.

Now, out to AL West.

Now, the Rangers have a shitty contract. Mike Young makes $16M per season until 2013. Alex Rios makes about $12M through 2015. Maybe having Young play with his buddy V-Dub would make both happy and better? I would make that trade. Young can step in for the traded Scott Rolen and provide excellent defense and really good offense.

The LA Angels have one the games worst contracts on their team. Gary Matthews Jr. is terrible. But, I would trade him straight up for Vernon. Matthews makes $10M per season as a 4th OF, and will get paid until 2011. Vernon gets paid until 2014, so that probably wouldn't be a fair deal for LA.

In Oakland, they have a guy locked up through next season with an option for 2011 with a broken back. Eric Chavez will probably never play baseball again. But I would trade him for Vernon straight up. Again, there is no reason to believe any member of Oakland's pretty smart (allright, Billy Beane is pretty awesome) front office.

The Mariners have 2 contracts that stand out like a sore thumb. Ichiro's and Carlos Silva. Ichiro earns his money by being the best contact hitter of my generation and by being massively popular in Seattle. Silva doesn't earn his money by pitching shit ball games and generally being terrible. With that said, I would take Carlos Silva and his $11.5M per season through 2011 for Vernon. Seattle could throw in Kenji Johjima's $8M through 2011 as well to make it more even. Hell, Johjima might even be a decent catcher for 2 more years. Now, would Seattle sacrifice getting rid of 2 terrible players that make a boatload and make their teams worse by being on them in the roles they occupy for an extra 3 years at over $20M? Highly unlikely.

In the AL Central.

Immediately, the first thing I thought of when I thought of the AL Central and bad contracts: how many years does Travis Hafner have left on his deal? The answer, sadly for Indians fans, is 3 with an option for a 4th. For almost $13M per season. Throw in Kerry Wood's big deal for $10.5M in 2010 with a venting option that seems likely for $11M in 2011. And if they have given up on Faust Carmona (as he was in A ball earlier this year) he still has huge dollars coming to him down the road. They don't add up long term, but Wells is a better player than any of them. He would be a gold glover in a corner spot too. But he makes over $20M per season from 2011-2014.

The White Sox don't have any haunting contracts. Just big deals expiring this offseason or next. No match for this purpose.

The Twins are pretty smart with their money and have only locked Justin Morneau up with a monster deal. I would give up half the farm and a blow to have Justin on the Jays.

The Tigers have Miggy Cabrera locked up to Vernon money through 2015, but he is actually worth the money. Magglio Ordonez's monster deal is set to expire this offseason is the Tigers can keep him off the field for most of the rest of 2009. The D-Train's final year is next season at $12M. As is Nate Robertson's at $10M. I would take Ordonez, Willis, and Robertson for Wells. The Tigers would not.

The Royals are in a smaller boat than the White Sox. No match.

The NL East.

The Braves don't have any undesireable long-term deals. No match.

The Marlins are the Marlins. The only long-term deal is Hanley Ramirez. Hanley Ramirez is awesome.

Ah, the Mets. Johan Santana has a massive contract. But, being one of the best pitchers in baseball (not named Roy Halladay), he is worth every penny. Carlos Beltran has 2 more years left on his monter deal, but is worth it as well. Oliver Perez. Enough said. What a fucking disappointment. All the stuff in the world, I always considered him a lefty AJ Burnett. He just never seemed to sustain any success from season to season. But, I would take him a a starting point for Wells. The Mets have a lot of mediocre players making a lot of money, but no one outside of Perez who's contract is silly for a long time. No match.

The Washington Nationals seem to avoid spending big on players. They offered Teixeira more money than the Yankees, but couldn't land him. So maybe they don't have anybody who wants money that badly. Kind of like the "would you suck a dick for a million bucks?" question. In this case, playing for the Nats is like swallowing a load from another dude. But, Adam Dunn took $10M per season through next year. But, he doesn't like baseball. So, it's a great match. They are kind of like the Mets in this instance. No long-term bad contracts. I am starting to think that Jays are just really stupid.

In Philadelphia, the Phillies have immobile Ryan Howard making $20M per season through 2011, but he is worht it. Chase Utley has a monster contract, but again, it is well deserved. Again, no horrendous long-term contracts.

Way out in the NL West.

The Rockies owe Todd Helton a lot of money. About $40M if they decline his 2012 option. I doubt they want another monster contract hanging over them. Besides Helton's deal, everything seems pretty decent in Rockie land.

The Padres seem to be in full fire sale mode. They almost traded Jake Peavey in the offseason and almost traded him a couple months ago as well, during the season. I highly doubt they would want a long-term contract the size of Wells' under any circumstance.

The San Fran Giants can feel my pain. I am sure they do the same thing with Barry Zito we do with Wells. Zito is owed another $83M. Wells is owed another $98M. This could be a good start. Maybe the Giants wouldn't demand another contract go to Toronto as well, as they need the offense badly. I would take Renteria back as well to add another $10M to Toronto. You can never have enough pitching, right? Right?

The Dodgers have a couple pretty bad contracts, but nothing that the Jays have. You could pile on bad deals in exchange for Wells, but the Dodgers don't have a need for an OF. An idea would be to take back Juan Pierre ($18.5M owed), Andruw Jones' obligation ($21M)...Yeah, forget it. Vernon makes way too much money for too long for this to work.

The Diamondbacks only have Eric Byrnes' deal weighing them down. Once that weight is off, they probably will never spend that amount of money on an OF again.

Finally, the NL Central.

The Astros are one of the worst run teams in baseball, making a match-up potentially likely. Carlos Lee is a DH making $18.5M per season through 2012 ($55.5M total) to play OF. You can start there and add as much as Houston would need to add to make the gap comfortable. A Jays prospect would go to Houston as well, to make up for the ability to hit for Carlos Lee.

The Brewers are pretty wise. No one is locked up for a really long time that doesn't belong in that pay grade.

The Cardinals have some large contracts, but the players who earn the big money seem likely to actually earn it. No match.

Now, the Chicago Cubs are in interesting case. Alfonso Soriano has worn out his welcome, but is stuck in Chicago making $18M a season from 2010-2014 ($72M total). He could come to Toronto for Wells as a start to match up money. Milton Bradley could come too, as he makes $9M next season and $12 in 2011 ($21M total) and has become a head-case in Chicago. Maybe Cito can calm him down a little (I fucking doubt it). No, if Chicago is willing to accept a $5M gap over the next 4 years (peanuts, in relative terms) than this deal could get done. There is the obvious issue of the talent differential coming in favour of Toronto. That can get solved by adding a player going to Chicago. Marco Scutaro? He isn't likely to be in Toronto next year, when they may compete. And you could trade Alex Rios for a SS of Marco's ability. Or trade Travis Snider for Elvis Andrus or Alcides Escobar. Soriano can play LF, Bradley can DH.

Since I have settled on my Cubs/Giants theories, I will skip the Reds and Pirates, as they have no long-term terrible contracts or the desire to acquire a montrous contract.

I am done. I just wanted to throw out those ideas onto the internets and make a couple gay jokes.