I have returned.
No one cares.
I'm bored and what happens when I'm bored is that I think about baseball. For the past year or so, I have been so lazy that I've thought a ton about baseball, but been so lazy that I haven't pulled out the laptop and blogged about it.
That ends now.
With the Blue Jays making huge moves in the off-season, it has given me legit optimism in the upcoming season.
My first post back will examine the current Blue Jays roster. I am including jokes at the expense of the players because I'm an asshole and it amuses me.
Let's start with the position players.
CATCHERS
J.P. Arencibia
A catcher for Team U.S.A. in the upcoming World Baseball Classic, J.P. is a huge fan favourite who has a penchant for social media. J.P. holds the record for HR in a season by a Jays catcher at 23, which he set in 2011. He also led the majors in passed balls that season, which helps cement his reputation as a really bad defender.
Henry Blanco
Recently signed to a ML contract, Blanco seems to be here to be the back-up and R.A. Dickey's personal catcher. He is usually referred to as am amazing defensive catcher, but he is now 41 and has lost many steps. He is probably an average receiver at this stage with a weak bat, although his 2011 was pretty terrific as a back-up in Arizona.
Josh Thole
The former future Joe Mauer is coming off a season effected by a concussion. Came over in the R.A. Dickey trade to be his personal catcher, but may spend some time in AAA Buffalo after the Henry Blanco signing.
A.J. Jimenez
The top catching prospect left in the system, A.J. is coming off Tommy John surgery and should repeat at AA New Hampshire.
Mike Nickeas
Canadian! Maple boners commence. A throw-in in the R.A. Dickey trade, he will provide depth at AAA Buffalo who has caught a knuckleball. Played for Great Britain at Euro 2007 championship.
Sean Ochinko
Ochinko is a multi-positional asset who has spent time at C, 1B, and 3B. He should see time in AA New Hampshire and AAA Buffalo as a utility player.
FIRST BASE
Adam Lind
2009 seems so long ago now, doesn't it? The former Silver Slugger and Edgar Martinez award winner, he has been a disaster since 2010. A transition to 1B failed miserably, as it seems to have messed with his head and hurt his back. Here's hoping he can get his shit together and mash some right handed pitching on his way to reclaiming some love for the fans.
Edwin Encarnacion
Eddie will spend the season trying to prove he is for real after a huge 2012 season. He should spend his time mostly at 1B with some DH mixed in. Edwin came over to the Jays in 2009 at the trade deadline in the deal sending Scott Rolen to the Reds and has been widely discussed ever since. He was a "lazy disappointment" to some at first, was cut at the end of the 2010 season, but re-signed a month later. He put is all together last season and had a monster year, winning the player of the year for the Jays.
David Cooper
The man with no chin, Coop will spend 2013 in AAA Buffalo despite being better than Adam Lind at pretty much everything except striking out. Cooper was once a 1st round draft pick for the Jays in 2008.
Luis Jimenez
A true journeyman, having played in Japan and all over the Minor Leagues. Seems to have disappeared in 2010, presumably was on the run for murdering a man in Japan. He will most likely enjoy a 1B/DH situation at AAA Buffalo.
INFIELD
Emilio Bonifacio
A speedy utility player, Emilio! should see a lot of time at 2B and maybe even some time in CF. He was part of the huge trade that altered the team with the Marlins.
Mark DeRosa
The newest addition to the team is a man that brings his veteran pressance tp the club. DeRosa seems to have a certain charm, as he has convinced a model to marry him and has gotten the media to believe he adds something to his teams that cannot be measured by anything. He's always been a solid player, but seems to have a knack for getting traded for players who end up having way more value that him (prospect Chris Archer, closer Chris Perez) and being on teams that are really good (2010 World Champion Giants, 2012 Nationals).
Ryan Goins
Drafted in 2009, he is one half of the Ryans that have clawed their way up the depth chart. Goins is the better of the two, and should spend the bulk of the season at AA New Hampshire and may see time in AAA Buffalo.
Maicer Izturis
Half brother of former Blue Jays SS Cesar Izturis, Maicer was brought over to play some 2B for the Jays. He is a good defender at 2B/3B/SS and should see some time all over to help rest some regulars.
Brett Lawrie
Captain aggressive, a Canadian native, needs to tone his on-field style down a bit if he wants to stay on the field enough to become the superstar he can be. Named on Keith Law's top 25 under 25 list the last 2 seasons, his star is seen by everyone. Lawrie is also becoming a staple on Team Canada in international competition, as he will appear in the WBC in March.
Jose Reyes
My new favourite Jay after his photo-op with King Carlos made it onto Twitter after he was brought over from the Marlins in the biggest trade of the off-season. The trade was franchise changing and has brought some much needed excitement to the city. Jose should be the lead-off that has been missing for years with an impressive resume that includes an NL batting title (2011), 2006 NL Silver Slugger, and being the all-time leader in triples and stolen bases for the New York Mets.
Reyes has been a fixture on Team Dominican Republic, appearing in 2006, 2009, and 2013. He also has a record label, EL7 Music, where he releases his own reggeaton music. Needless to say, I can't wait to hear his music. Jose was also the cover dude for MLB 2k8.
Mike McCoy
Ah, Mike McCoy. The Air Miles this man must have. He has been shuttled between Toronto and Las Vegas so many times the last few years I've lost count. He will be in Buffalo awaiting a much shorter trip to Toronto should he be needed.
Jim Negrych
A Buffalo native, Jim signed on to be an infielder at AAA Buffalo.
Kevin Nolan
Nolan should be a fixture in the infield for the AA New Hampshire Fisher Cats.
Ryan Schimpf
The other of the infamous Ryans picked in the 2009 draft. He has been slightly behind Goins on their development tracks and should see time in AA New Hampshire in 2013.
Eugenio Velez
Velez was originally a signee by the Jays in 2001, but he was plucked in the Rule V draft by the Giants in 2005. in 2010, he wore a mispelled jersey onto the field that read "SAN FRANCICSO" which finally gave the media something to write about him. He also went hitless in 37 at bats that season.
Lance Zawadski
A switch hitting middle infielder with slick defense should be the starting SS at AAA Buffalo. He is the first person to get a hit at Petco Park in San Diego.
OUTFIELDERS
Jose Bautista
Mr. Muscle (please check out his magazine cover, as it is creepy and erotic) is the Jays best player and two-time Silver Slugger and Hank Aaron award winner (2010 & 2011, leading MLB in HR). He spent 2003 with 5 different teams, as Jose was a free swinging, poor fielding 3B. Jose has become one of the most dangerous hitters in the game thanks to his incredible eye and huge power thanks to a lightning quick bat.
Melky Cabrera
Ah, the Melk Man. A former super hyped Yankee prospect, Melky made major news last season when he failed his drug test and missed the remainder of the regular season for the World Champion Giants. The Giants proceeded to keep him off their playoff roster despite having a fantastic season. His potential for a large pay day seemed to fly our the window. Enter the Toronto Blue Jays. Fresh off the trade with the Marlins, they signed Cabrera to play LF. He seems to be quite the stud, with 3 kids (1 in the Dominican, 1 in New York, and 1 in Orlando) who live with their mothers.
Rajai Davis
Davis has impressed the last few years with his speed. That is all he has impressed with though. His defense and on-base skills have left a lot to be desired. His ideal role on the 2013 Jays should be to back-up all three OF spots and play some DH against left handed pitching.
Anthony Gose
The Jays top positional prospect, Gose should start the season in AAA Buffalo. My only complaint on Gose is his chain. He looks silly with that stupid thing around his neck. Gose has speed to spare and is slowly improving his hitting skills. He will wait in the shadows for Colby Rasmus.
Colby Rasmus
Cletus was brought over from St. Louis when his relationship with Tony LaRusa was unable to be fixed. A former top prospect, Colby keeps showing flashes of the potential that made him a rising star. With Gose waiting in the wings, Colby is probably looking at his last stand in Toronto.
Moises Sierra
A man who I have compared to Raul Mondesi. I don't think he will ever be that good. which is not an insult to Sierra at all. He has a cannon for an arm and has decent raw power. He does have a tendancy to swing wildly at pitches. Sierra should form a dynamic OF in AAA Buffalo with Gose and await another chance in Toronto.
Ryan Langerhans
I have always disliked this man. I have no reasons.
Adam Loewen
Another Canadian, Adam will also play for Team Canada at the upcoming WBC. A former pitcher, Adam was drafted number 4 in the 2002 draft. Loewen gained fame when he shutout Team U.S.A. at the 2006 WBC for 3+ innings of work on their way to upsetting the pool favourites. in 2008, Loewen went full Rick Ankiel and turned to the OF, where he has slowly climbed the ladder in the Jays system. in 2011, Loewen made his re-debut as a position player for the Jays. He returns after a year in the Mets system where he will again play in Buffalo.
Ricardo Nanita
Ricardo should see time in AAA Buffalo as an extra OF. Nothing to see here.