Fictional Pitchers Power Rankings

1. Billy Chapel
Threw a perfect game in his final start of his career. Showed serious loyalty to catcher Gun Sinski. Pitched 19 seasons in the Majors and has a shot at the Hall of Fame.

2. Nuke LaLoosh
Outstanding stuff; millon dollar arm, 5 cent head. Had some issues with listening to veteran catcher Crash Davis.

3. Steve Nebraska
Was Stephen Strasburg before Stephen Strasburg. Threw a perfect game; 81 pitches, 81 strikes. 27 Ks. Had monster personality issues, affecting his ranking.

4. Mike McGrevey
Was fantastic once properly motivated. Still a bit of a douche.

5. Hog Ellis
An enigmatic power pitcher. Once he leanred the curveball, he was unstoppable. Took down the mighty Carlos Liston.

6. Mel Clark
A savvy veteran, Mel needed the power an Angel to get through his final Major League start. Had a solid career.

7. Rick Vaughn (Major League)
The Wild Thing losses serious points for being mostly used as a reliever. Took a while to harness his stuff, but was a K machine once he put on the dark rims.

8. Kenny Powers
Losses points for being an asshole. Can throw faster than fuck.

9. Doc Windgate
I'm giving him serious bonus points for teaching Hog Ellis the deuce. Also, struck out Carlos Liston. Made the most out of his limited ability.

10. Rick Vaughn (Major League 2)
With a big bank account and a smoking hot girlfriend, Vaughn lost his heat and tried to create pitches that were ultimately not very successful. Finally got his shit together late in the flick.

11. Miles Pennefield
With bluetooth, he can confortably and safely listen to his B.I.G. without the opposing coach being a prick.

12. Shoup
A crafty lefty, Shoup wasn't the best, but he was a decent mid-rotation arm the the contending Indians.

13. Eddie Harris
Crafty veteran losses some points for cheating, but was a clutch pitcher for the Indians.

14. Chet Steadman
Veteran pitcher who didn't take any shit. Losses some points for cozying up to a snot nosed punk.

15. Eddie Everett
Once a promising pitcher, Everett needed the help of Angels to throw quality ballgames near the end. Also, a shitty father.

16. Henry Rowengartner
Lucked into a 120 mph heater. Had a mildly successful season, but broke him arm back into place and had to throw under-hand like some faggot.

17. Dennis Mangenelli
Was the ace pitcher of Mangenelli fitness. Losses points for the speedo briefs and for having herpes.

18. The Duke
Would throw at his own kid in a father-son game. Losses points for being a short reliever.

19. Blackout Gatling
Not a great closer, but at least he was alive during his team's big game.

20. Dirt
Was a mediocre pitcher who couldn't even live to play in the big game. His death caused the team to get fucking plastered and play like shit against Mangenelli fitness.